she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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