wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
