Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
