"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
