Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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