you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
