This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
