I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
