loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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