My boss' voice literally gives me gas
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
