Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
