my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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