Moan for me like Helen Keller
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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