she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
