the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
