Got a toothbrush?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
