I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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