Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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