is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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