there's paper in my vomit.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
me + whiskey = a bad person
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
