i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
