I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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