Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
