What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
