You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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