He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
