Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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