That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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