Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
