I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
