Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
