That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
