Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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