Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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