Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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