Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
