i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
