I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
