Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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