Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
