She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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