you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
