I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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