The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
