You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
