it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
