The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
