worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
