my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
