I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
