Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
how can u be prego again
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
