i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
