Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
