I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
